What the hell am I doing here?

It is high time I got around to this question which has appeared in different forms in other posts. It is also a question that I was asking myself every hour or so the first day I arrived (Thursday) – and by Friday evening, when I started jotting down these thoughts, had diminished to every four waking hours.

Arc of a Bird is not in formal competition here in Cannes as it has been at other festivals. Instead what we’ve been offered is participation in: The Short Films Corner, a collection of more than 1,200 films from around the world and what is advertised as access to marketing channels for short films.

As I’ve mentioned to some folks already, I don’t imagine we’ll make a dime off of this film. But as The Producer reminds me, I didn’t think we had won the IFP award either after our presentation.

Truth is: I’m here for three reasons: a) to find ways to make MORE films (I’m hoping to shoot my second short film before Spring and have had some good response to my feature length script as well); b) to find more outlets for Arc of a Bird, we’ve had a few direct inquiries about showing at other festivals based upon folks seeing the film (the woman in Charleston who saw the film in Houston and asked us to participate in her competition.)

The third reason is a little more bassackwards, that is, it isn’t so much what the film can do at Cannes but what Cannes can do for us (and that means all of you who have been involved in this lovely enterprise and might participate in the next). The film opened the door to Cannes as an experience itself. Part of that challenge is to open the other doors I’ve found beyond this one: in random conversations at the U.S. Pavilion, in conversations at the Short Films Corner, the dinner conversation with the buyers from Barcelona who gave us specific contact information and advice for a competition in Spain, or the young filmmaker from Wales whose short film may be one of the smartest I’ve seen in the festivals we’ve attended since we’ve been entered.

To return to the opening question: I’m dogged by doubt about the whole idea, the whole endeavor, the whole freakin’ investment most especially when I take a step back and survey the immensity of the complex here. But isn’t that the case with most of the things in life? I’m fairly cautious about any delusions of grandeur here but also know that there are going to be threads of conversations that thicken and become more solid connections in a week or a month.

For now, I’m making it a point to check out the OTHER short films in the short films corner; I’m still learning how I might have improved “Arc” and how I might reshape or refashion this second script which has a completely different look and feel and story. I’ve found there’s learning the doing and learning in seeing what you’ve done too.

Enough with the late night rationalizations now, let’s talk about Jane Campion’s unabashedly Romantic vision.